Friday, January 30, 2009

Big Hollywood Mor(m)ons: Samuel L. Jackson and Tom Hanks

Tom Hanks recently demonstrated his quick-witted acting abilities by calling Prop 8-supporting Mormons un-American, then immediately backpedaled upon discovering that he wasn't in France, and that the voting process is, um, profoundly American.

Not to be outdone, Samuel L. Jackson has learned from the Castaway's un-American comments, mollifying them by saying the Mormons are merely misinformed.

Both Buffy and Elmo are angry at the Mormons for favoring "discrimination", which using Hollywood logic would include marriage rights for pedophile priests and their "boys", mothers and daughters, as well as the Sex Before Eight Or Else It's Too Late crowd. Don't click on that link. No, really, don't click that link!

Rumors are that Woody and Windu plan to make a biopic about the life of a city boy (played by Leonardo DiCaprio) who moves to a small town and falls in love with a chihuahua, only to discover that the town is a repressive, backward town that frowns upon animal husbandry. However, his irresistible charm and winning smile eventually wins over the town pastor (played by Ted Haggard), who agrees to marry the two at the climax. In the end, everyone realizes that any two or more consenting organisms can be defined as "family" and deserve the time-honored right to marry.