Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Obama to Muslims: We are effeminate

Obama's first TV interview with an Arabic TV Network demonstrated His Holiness' desire to present a new pants-dropped, codependent, self-flagellating version of the United States to the Muslim world (except Iran because Persians probably weren't watching Arab television, although excerpts of the interview will be shown in the next episode of Iran's Funniest Videos).

"...all too often the United States starts by dictating," said the newly crowned US emperor. You know, like the time we forced some poor old blind Muslim guy to coordinate a basement-level bombing of the World Trade Center, only to be so disappointed that the building didn't fall that we had to later fabricate a different disaster ostensibly engineered by so-called Muslim terrorists. Or the time we forced young Muslim males to board a tiny boat filled with explosives and commit suicide by ramming it into the USS Cole. Or the time we forced innocent young Muslim males at knife point to fly planes into our own buildings so we could start a war and steal Iraqi oil and take over their government, concluding a 10 year plan across 3 presidential administrations. Or the time we tricked a young Muslim male into chasing down Dutch filmmaker Theo van Gogh and placing a verse from the Quran on his chest - using a knife. Or the time we carefully persuaded a group of angry young Britons to convert to Islam and then bomb some underground trains in London. Or the time we covertly organized a group of young Muslim males to take over a Beslan school, killing over a hundred children. Or the time we tricked young Muslim males into coordinating a simultaneous multi-point attack in India, targeting only non-Muslims as a cover. Or how we're still coordinating machete attacks by young Muslim males on Christians in Indonesia and other backwater Muslim nations. Or how we're beginning to tell Britons that they better start considering adopting Sharia Law or else there will be trouble. And that goes for you too, you Scandinavians, Dutch, Swiss, French, and Belgians.

Yeah, the US is just full of "dictating" to the innocent Muslims, who've been otherwise sitting around minding their own business.

Furthering his foray into what will now be commonplace Euro-sissy, Continental, U.N-approved blame-it-all-on-the-Jews foolishness, Mr. Dumbama elicited following: "There are Israelis who recognize that it is important to achieve peace. They will be willing to make sacrifices if the time is appropriate and if there is serious partnership on the other side."

Yes, 4 out of 5 Jews surveyed recognize that it's important to achieve peace, while the other 20% want to continue to be targets of random rocket attacks, ball-bearing-filled backpack bombs, and the usual call for Israel to make sacrifices if they want these attacks to stop. However, no sacrifices necessary on the part of the Palestinians formerly known as Arabs, other than a nebulous "serious partnership." Gee, if we could just get some serious partnership, we could put this 4000 year Arab-Jewish feud to bed.

Good luck with that, Mr. President.