Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Pulled Pork: House Democrats Unroll Condoms From Stimulus Bill

House Democrats, responding to the uproar created by their new definition of the term 'stimulus', have decided to remove funding for various birth control devices from the stimulus package. "The trickle-down effect on the porn industry should be negligible, given their abstinence policy regarding birth control," wheezed a disappointed Rep. Barney Frank (Du-Mass).

President Obama called House leaders at Rep. Frank's brothel to inform them that taxpayer-funded birth control goes against his agenda of ensuring sufficient teen pregnancies to bailout the abortion industry.

Others spoke out in favor of requiring taxpayers to fund the promiscuous behavior of teenagers and interns. "If you ask me, I think they pulled [the funding] out too soon," admonished former president Clinton.