Friday, January 30, 2009

Top 15 Hidden Pork in the Depression Stimulus Bill

We know you folks don't have the time to pore through every word of the mammoth government spending bill ironically known as the Stimulus Bill. Neither do we, but we managed to extract a list of the top 15 worst hidden pork in the government stimulus bill:

15) $380M to bailout the anti-war movie industry.
14) $1.1M to collect and disinfect the discarded American flags left behind at the Inauguration.
13) $181,400 to make and distribute Nancy Pelosi "I put the partisan in bi-partisan" bumber stickers.
12) $181,400 to make and distribute Barney Frank "I put the bi in bi-partisan" bumber stickers.
11) $37,500 to buy Shatner a new toupee
10) $1.8M to research another famous impassioned speech by a deceased politician for Vice President Biden to plagiarize.
9) $20M to remove fish barriers (fish have a glass ceiling too).
8) $13M to purchase something for Michelle Obama that she can be proud of for the second time in her adult life.
7) $963,000 to discover more absentee votes for Al Franken.
6) $34M to remodel the Department of Commerce's Headquarters (using $100 bills as wallpaper).
5) $260M for a series of "Blackberry vs. iPhone" commercials featuring Barak Obama as Blackberry and Rush Limbaugh as iPhone.
4) $150M to bailout the honeybee industry.
3) $475,000 to reduce global warming by putting Al Gore on the Jenny Craig diet.
2) $133M to build the George W. Bush Presidential Library and Detention Center in Tehran, Iran.
1) $122,800 to install "Window" and "Door" signs on all White House glass panes.

Total wasted taxpayer dollars: $819B

PS. Numbers 9, 6, and 4 are really in the bill (minus the parenthetical statements).